Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My is story for your viewing, not your inferrment

Dear all,

It's great to be blogging again! Someone posted an anon. posting on my blog and I thought I would write about that person's thoughts. (Which are appreciated) This blog is about inspiring thought and provoking commentary amongst the adopted community and those old and young that suffer from R.A.D.

This person "Could be silent no longer" which seems rather odd, but regardless, let us beging a discussion in length about this post.

My story (in my last posting) I spoke of my journey to TN to learn more of my family and it's history. I choose to make my life story public knowledge because it's a story that I have hidden my entire life, and no one really knows anything about me.

This "private" poster thinks that because I talk about my personal experience with R.A.D. that a would be adoptive parent would be frightened into thinking their child may possess R.A.D. or scared away from adoption itself.

I write my blogs and talk about R.A.D. and vocalize my experiences so that other's understand how R.A.D. can totally destroy and rip apart a family and a life. No matter how ugly the story gets, it's a real story and there are many like mine. EVERY adoptive parent should read about R.A.D., it's syptomology and it's effects. Every adoptive parent should question the circumstances behind their adoptive child's experiences with birthparents. If my blog inspires that thought or action then I have accomplished my mission.

If a would be adoptive parent reads one blog about MY experiences with R.A.D. and becomes frightened that choice is upon them to act as they may. I will not whitewash my story for anyone's comfort because I have had to live it. How an adoptive parent or would be adoptive parent interprets my blog isn't my responsibility, it's theirs.

Also, this "private" poster also stated that I "imply" that because I write about my story and expose R.A.D. on a blog that a birthmother would abort their child is rediculous. The "private" poster also suggested that I "imply" that adoption is a hastily made decision. To address this with just a few words I will:

In some cases, it is. Mine being one of them. I am living proof of many hastily made decisions.

This "private" poster also said he/she was also adopted and suffered no mental illness and has had nothing but joy come of their adoption.

That is wonderful!!! You are one of the lucky ones and should be proud of that fact. It's a wonderful thing to hear that other's have made it through the process without any trouble. That of course is not the fact for many, many, many other children that suffer the rest of their lives (or a good portion of it) trying to close the wounds of their pasts.

The "private" poster also suggested "sure they have wondered where they are from" which once again is a personal issue.

I HAD to know more about my family because I felt like mine was taken before I had a chance to make that desicion on my own. I never had a say in what happened to me and for years after that fact I felt torn, stolen and dumped off. This was a recurring feeling throughout my life that constantly haunted me.

"Who was your family, what were they like and how did they come to be" just played over and over and over in my head many nights. This insatiable need to know my family manifested itself in many destructive ways throughout my life. The more I learn, the more I want to know. That's just the nature of the beast. I have always been vigorously curious.

I truly appreciate the "private" poster's opinions and while I wish this poster the best of luck their future efforts, I urge him or her to realize his or her adoption story of fufillment won't overshadow what so many other stories of tragedy still have yet to be told.

Sincerely,
Michael

3 comments:

Private said...

When you put your story out there people will infer. And whether you mean it or not, the implication of your writing is that adoption is a bad thing. You even went so far, on twitter, to call it a prophylactic. You also misunderstood what I wrote. You sometimes, whether meaning to or not, write bold sweeping statements that imply that your ADOPTION gave you RAD. Your ADOPTION did not give you RAD. Instead, your ADOPTION likely saved you from the circumstances that caused your RAD. As such, your adoption sounds like it was a blessing. I will not try to argue that adoption does not have difficult side effects. That would be ridiculous. The argument I was attempting to make in my previous post is that you should be careful not to align your adoption with your RAD. I would assume that you, as someone who is attempting to be a source of information for the foster and adoption community, would not want to unintentionally imply that your adoption caused your RAD. Because that would be patently untrue. I realize that many children who are adopted may have RAD. But again, it's important to clarify that the adoption is not the CAUSE of the RAD. My statement that a mother may choose abortion over adoption if she listened to your arguments may have been a bit sensationalistic. But, what I was trying to argue is that your implication in your writing is that adoption is something that causes a child harm. I continue to assert that adoption is often the best option…especially when you consider the alternative. You mentioned the sleepless nights you’ve experienced and time spent wondering about your family and why you were given away. I’m sure that has been awful for you. I’m sure that many other people experience the same thing. I also don’t doubt that the situations that might have lead to your adoption (if you were moved through multiple homes, experienced maternal neglect before being placed, were left in a orphanage, etc) likely contributed to your RAD. My point has merely been that you do not have RAD merely as a side effect of adoption. Also, I resent your somewhat mocking tone in regards to me choosing to remain private. I have no problem with you choosing to share your story so openly. Not all of us choose to do that. I will continue to keep my identity private.
I want to assert again that I do not have a problem with your message or your choice to share your story. I merely want you to be careful that the information you are spreading is true.
Perhaps it would be helpful for you to provide the etiology of RAD somewhere on your website...rather than just the symptoms. That way, your readers would be able to see the cause of RAD and better be able to understand your points. One reputable website its http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/reactive_attachment_disorder

One Future At A Time said...

I quote

"EVERY adoptive parent should read about R.A.D., it's symptomology and it's effects"

Thandi said...

Interesting how people infer different things from the exact same posts.I wonder why?