Well here we go. From RAD-Online.org to some more R.A.D. stuff. This is the first time I have ever told this story. It has taken me almost 17 years to come to some kind of grip with it. **Update** I write this after I buried this story 17 years ago to bring this story to light, in effect to empower other RAD/Abuse Survivors, through my experiences. I urge other R.A.D. survivors to come forward and speak out with their emotions and stories. I warn everyone that is about to read this, it is explicit and graphic. Read at your discretion***
I remember after I left the RTC that I was placed in, a staff worker's friend took a particular interest in me. He always seemed to be interested in me and how I was doing. Seemed like a cool guy. Some of his proclivities always had my guard up. (I made the assumption he was gay based on some of his outward suggestions).
One day out of the blue, right after my 17th birthday, he called me up. "Hey man! I am headed to Florida, check out some chicks! Wanna go!?!?" What horny, 17 year old suffering from R.A.D. say???? No? Of course not! Some fun, some sun and some women! (If I was lucky, perhaps a few beers). I told my parents about the trip, and my parents spoke to my friend and even they thought he was ok.
The trap had been set.
Next day, I took a bus up to Cleveland, Ohio where I met my old friend from RTC and stayed at his place. The next day "Max" (Edited for privacy) picked me up. We talked about all kinds of different things, how much fun we were going to have, the women we were gonna meet. I was so excited to be hangin' out with an older guy (A brother like figure to me) talking about real guy stuff. I was so excited!!
We got to his house and immediately trouble began. Max's house was really nice. He led me to my guest room (Which was nothing more than a mattress on the floor, TV a few windows and a T.V. He closed the door after I got comfortable, hanging out, watching T.V. A few minutes later he knocks on the door. Before I could get up and open the door, he was already inside. He immediately started wrestling with me, which I took as just guy play.
This person was extremely strong, almost animal like strong. While I was held down, he grabbed the remote next to me and starting playing some gay porn. I was instantly terrified. What do I do? Reader's must remember I was a TINY kid. This person easily weighed 270 pounds. He said:
"Doesn't that look like fun??!?!". No, it doesn't actually look like fun at all, I retorted. I was frozen, I was terrified. Was I going to be raped? Was I going to be killed? I just didn't' know.
He looked right at me as if to say "Your not going anywhere". Instead of raping me, however, he simply got up and left the room. Still kind of shocked over this whole event, I looked for a phone.
No phone in this room. I literally was scared to the point where I couldn't move. I just sat there.
Pretty soon, it was time to leave for Cleveland. This person already shown that he had strength over me and could control me if he really wanted to, and had declared what he wanted to do with me.
We got into his car (I should have run, or bit him or something) and we drove and drove and drove. All he did was talk about giving me a blowjob, me giving him a blowjob and how fun it could be to have sex with him. It was kind of odd, he was almost begging him to giving a handjob on this ride. We literally didn't stop until we were somewhere in Georgia. This later, I conclude was to keep me from phoning anyone and I can't run in a car going 70 miles an hour.
That night was pretty scary. There was only one bed in this hotel room and considering this person in my mind was still a friend (Can we say RAD) and considering his strength and demeanour I dared not move. He demanded that I sleep in the bed with him.
My thinking was this. If I didn't he might really hurt me or leave me stranded with no money in the middle of no where. This is where the friend part kind of faded fast. The entire night he kept grabbing my crotch, silently. Any every time, I had to take his hand off of me and put it somewhere else. Relentlessly he kept grabbing me. This happened for roughly 4 hours. It was pure hell.
Before long, it was morning, and I wasn't raped and it was time to move out. No time for anything. Breakfast was on the road. We ended up in Florida a few hours later. Finally, I could get onto the beach flag someone down, something.
That wasn't to be.
We arrived in Florida in the middle of the night. Instead of hanging out as this person promised, we went right to his room (Which of course, was yet again a one bedroom suite). This time, there was no denying what he wanted. He said "Come to bed with me". This time I was ready to fight to the death. "No, I won't". He went from friend to really pissed off person. He told me to sleep on the couch. I was fine with that. In the morning, I would make my escape.
The morning soon rose. "Let's hit the beach" he said. "Good, I thought, surely there would be a cop there." Of course, however he followed me. Once again, I had to be on good behavior. I didn't know what this person was capable of.
We were on the beach for 15 minutes before he said "We have to go...". Remember readers, i was confused, terrified, let down. I had no money and I felt stranded and alone. I had no choice. We went straight from the Florida coastline to the steamy inland of Ocala, Florida. Finally, he let me call my dad. There was one stipulation. He was to be right there when I made the call.
"I'm ok dad, thanks", was pretty much the entire conversation (if I remember correctly) so my parents thought I was with a legitimate friend. We stayed in Ocala for one day.
We finally ended up in S.C. where "Max"continued his sexual banter almost 24 hours a day. We stayed with his cousin and his girlfriend "Red". The first thing that happened when I walked in and sat down, "Red" put her arms around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "What the hell is going on here?!?! I thought. She was a beautiful woman yes, but what was going on here?" I kept asking myself.
The next day "Max" said, "Red wants to fuck you, and you can have her if you give me a blowjob". I wanted to puke right there, but there was this odd disconnect that I felt. Now "Max was playing into my disturbed side. There was no way that was going to happen. I said "Oh come on now man, she's with your cousin, no way she would do it with me!!" I said, smiling. This little ruse seemed to knock some of the steam out of the argument.
The next day was the final straw. I write this to educate those around to me as to the reality of the situation. I haven't SPOKEN of this to ANYONE. I haven't been able to repeat these words in over 16 years. I choose to do it now in hopes to let go of the event and to help another that has gone through the same thing. You arent' alone in your struggles, I have been there.
He walked into the living room and said "Wouldn't it be cool if I gave you blowjob?!?" "Not really, no" I said, not looking at him, totally disgusted. **This is where it get's graphic, you have been warned. This is so hard for me to repeat..I haven't repeated in 16 years.
He said "I really want to taste your cum, tell you what...Why don't you jerk off on a pillow and I can taste it that way." I literally wanted to puke. What was I into?? How did I get here..what was going on. He of course offered this with the promise of some money to buy something I really wanted.
That was the breaking point. That night, I called my dad this was the conversation (bear in mind, as usual "Max" was right by the phone:
Me: Hey dad, whats going on??
Dad: You ok son?
Me: Mom is sick, really?
Dad: Mike is something wrong?? If there is keep talking about mom
Me: Mom is sick? Whats wrong with her, do I need to get home??
Dad: Mike, are you still in SC?
Me: Is mom going to be ok, I need to come home don't I?
Dad: Keep talking to me, whats your address????
Dad: Tell "Max" to get on the phone.
After this, "Max" was very physically distressed. His game was up, he was caught and he knew it. He told my dad that he would bring me home asap.
After he put the phone down, he said to me "You know, sometimes, sons and dad's have a secret message that something wasn't right." "Is that what is going on?.
I was a dead kid. He was going to kill me right then and there. He got really antsy, and he got really agitated. "Your out of your fucking mind man, why would I do that, your cool" I said. I am a VERY good actor and he bought it. (Can we say R.A.D. again?)
I was finally reunited with my adoptive parents. I was so physically ill, I had to say something. I told my parents what happened. Sort of. I didn't go into alot of detail. They took me a counselor and I was so sick and exhausted (And horrified as to what happened) I really couldn't say much. What was I gonna say, some guy wanted to lick my semen off of a pillow? He grabbed me in the middle of the night for weeks on end?
The police said they couldn't press any charges because serious laws hadn't been broken and finding this person would be very hard considering how much this person moved around. Nothing.